Raising kids of any age is a challenge but anyone who has or is raising a teen knows that this is the toughest age group of them all, even under the best conditions. It is nearly impossible for a parent to try and navigate around all of the hormonal fluctuations, all the friends, the new experiences all the freedoms they demand and so on. It’s even harder when your teen openly lets you know that they hate you and it is one of the most painful things for a parent to experience. But as a parent you still need to try and get past that hatred being thrown at you and keep your role strong as the parent as well as keeping your integrity, your values and your own self worth.
One thing you can do when you are feeling the overwhelming stress of a child that shows no respect and is hateful is breathe. Take some time for yourself and go to your room and just breathe. This is especially true if there is an argument brewing. Simply leave the argument and go to your room, let your teen keep ranting and arguing alone. Taking this time for yourself might send a message and calm your teen down.
It’s hard but try to ignore the horrible outbursts when it’s possible. Trying to get involved in an argument is only going to encourage your teen to simply keep acting in the disrespectful manner he’s engaging in. If you yell back at him when he cusses you out and yells out how much he hates you you are letting him win and you are in his comfort zone and that’s what he wants. Restate your position in a calm manner and walk out of the room if he continues to push your buttons. You don’t have to take the abuse and that’s what it is.
Go to your room and scream or yell into a pillow if you have to. Beat the pillow whatever it takes, get it out of your system, you need to release the hurt and the anger. It’s not easy to feel hated by your own child.
Call a friend or another parent. Get in touch with your own mother or your pastor. You need to talk and let your feelings out. You need to be able to talk things through so that it will help you to start thinking more clearly as well. Whatever you do, don’t start blaming yourself for the way your child is treating you. More times than not the behavior of your teen has absolutely nothing to do with your personal parenting skills it has more to do with your teen period and not what you personally have done.
Most importantly in order for you to feel less stressed out and in more control you need to assert yourself as the parent. No matter what your teen says or does or tries to do. You must be firm when it comes to your decisions and this must include your rules and the consequences for breaking those same rules. If this means you will be taking his allowance away, or you are taking his car keys away, or his cell phone, the home phone privileges, computer use or going out with friends. Do it! You must. Understand this, legally you are only required to provide your child with a safe home, clothing and food. That’s it. So be firm and don’t back down. Sure being firm is a hard thing to do especially when they are being so hateful towards you, but it must be done. You must stand your ground so you know that when you go to bed that you have done everything in your power to protect your teen against himself.